Great News!

The day is finally over and things went great. The MRI results were slow coming and we had to wait for 3 hours until they were ready and Dawson was quite the nightmare from the drugs but I would wait again to get such great results!
Let me break it down:
NO TUMOR, again no TUMOR!
Hydrochepalus is stable, which means there is still an excess of fluid and his ventricles are still large (that will never change) but it has not increased! YEA!
His body seems to be handling the extra fluid well over the last six months so as of right now it is just a watch and see game. At any given point his body can start to reject the excess fluid and then we would have to intervene but as of right now things are great.
I, we are relieved beyond belief. It was almost hard to hear the good news because I had prepared myself to hear terrible news, so after the shock has worn off I feel great!
Unless trouble arises from the hydro we are not set to scan again for 6-12 months. In the world of brain tumors this is very exciting news, very encouraging and comes with great optimism. :)
After such a long day everyone including Brielle, took a much needed nap!

Thanks to everyone who has been thinking about us! Now I do not have to worry for 6-12 months!

MRI anxiety!!!!

Well I am not even sure where to start with this post but here goes and I am sure I am gonna sound like a big whining baby but here goes nothing. Thursday is the day! Dawson has another 3 month MRI. I am not sure why this one is so much harder than the last one, I am not sure if they will get harder and harder to face but man! I have been dreading the month of January and let me tell you it has been awful. Just to know that Thursday could change our lives forever.
Parents all can agree that the dreaded phone call that tells you your child has been in a car accident or whatever is a nightmare that no one wants to experience right, well in a weird way his MRI's are like facing that phone call every 3 months. Things so could go so wrong or just be a close call, etc. The anxiety is awful!
The weird thing about anxiety/depression is that compliments make it worse. Like when I'm worried I hate hearing, "Everything will be fine." It is like an insult because things have been wrong before and that is all I heard. I want to yell at everyone and say until I have the results in my hand that say, "EVERYTHING IS FINE," I will think the worst. It in some way helps me prepare mentally for bad news, though I know I could never really prepare.
The month of January has been a blur trying to stay busy and put a lid on my "issues" or I will absolutely break down in sobs, which happens more times then not. I have to be very careful who I am around because I am worried that some people can see through my mask then it would be a sea of tears. I cannot wait for Thursday to be over, then hopefully we can be relieved and happy for 2 more months until we do it again, ahhh.

We will go to Primary Childrens at 7:15 in the morning, they will sedate Dawson and then start the MRI. The MRI takes about 2 hours because it is actually 2 MRI's, one with a dye or contrast in his system and one without. This gives the doctors a look at all the vessels and veins in his brain. Also the contrast will show if there has been any regrowth or new tumor forming.

As you can imagine we are going to be fasting for him and any extra prayers for him would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

I love this boy!

Brain Tumors!

This holiday season has been wonderful! We are so incredibly blessed this year and have truly witnessed a miracle. Dawson has changed our lives and so has our ordeal. I am more emotional this holiday season than I have ever been. I guess it is because we came so close to loosing our Baby Boy that I am just thankful for everyday! This year could have ended so differently. I still struggle everyday with unanswered questions, Why? How? When? Why did he live and others don't? These questions I think will always be in my mind, survivors guilt they call it. Then of course the worry but I am dealing and he is thriving! :) The purpose of this post is to start to raise awareness for brain tumors. They happen daily to normal families. No parent ever wants to hear those words trust me! Research needs to be done, cures need to be found! Here are some statistics........

Brain tumors are the:
• the second leading cause of cancer‐related deaths in children under age 20

Today, January 23:

9 families across America will learn their child has a brain or spinal cord tumor.

A mother will grieve that her instincts about her child’s health were right.

A father will allow himself to cry, but only alone in the shower.

3 families across America will mourn the loss of their child to a brain or spinal cord tumor

Friends, family and community will try to make sense of an untimely death and the unfulfilled promise of a life.

6 families across America will transition to survivorship.

A mother will be too exhausted from providing constant care to her child to simply write checks to pay bills.

A father will again adapt his day, family and life to a new definition of normal, unlike any he had previously envisioned.

In the United States, approximately 3,750 children younger than age 20 were
expected to be diagnosed in 2007 with primary brain tumors, of which 2,820
were under age 15.1

Brain tumors are the most common of the solid tumors in children, and the
leading cause of death from solid tumors. Brain tumors are the second most
frequent malignancy of childhood death.

The incidence rate of 4.5 per 100,000 children is slightly higher in boys (4.7 per
100,000) than girls (4.3 per 100,000).

American Brain Tumor Association

http://www.abta.org

Dawson's picture about a week before he got sick I know now that he was suffering with such a severe headache :(
I am not sure what I am going to do quite yet, start a support group, do a benefit or marathon (Andrea), but for now I am going to do my best to raise awareness!!!

Snow Removal!

Well Dawson loves to help David shovel the snow he thinks he is such a big boy. David of course cannot wait until Dawson is old enough to shovel it himself, by then I'm sure Dawson will hate it! Life, right?

About three things I am absolutely positive.......

First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there is part of me — and I didn’t know how potent that part might be — that wanted him to thirst for MY blood. And third, I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE TWILIGHT SAGA! I am obsessed and cannot stop thinking about it, reading the books or seeing the movie. I read all four books in about a week my kids went hungry and dirty, my husband now hates "Edward" and I am exhausted. It was so worth it!!!! I want, no I need more!
I cannot wait for it to come out on DVD on March 21st!!! I cannot wait for New Moon or Eclipse to come out! I cannot wait for her to finish Midnight Sun which is by far the best version!! Love it all!
(I know I am late in the mania but I am glad I waited because I was able to read all four at once :)

Our Christmas!

We had a great Christmas! Christmas Eve at Mimi & Papa Milius' then Christmas Day at Mona and Coke Stefan's! It was a great holiday. Brielle and Dawson loved every minute of all the gifts and David and I enjoyed every minute of seeing them happy. We are so grateful for our children and the fact that Dawson is a miracle. This season seemed to mean more because of the past 5 months. We took time just to enjoy the kids excitement and treasure the moment. When I look back on the last five months I cannot help but get emotional. Things could have ended so differently, they could have ended so badly but instead we got a miracle :) We are thankful for everyday!

5 years and counting........

Well David and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary on the 20th. We went to my favorite place, Olive Garden which was fantastic probably because I havent been able to eat in a 2 weeks! We also went and saw 007! A dinner and a movie, we are so spoiled :) I love my Bob! 5 years to eternity....

Death of a Mother!

Monday, I got my tonsils and adenoids removed. Plus had work done on my non working nose. I had a deviated septum fixed, palopes and laser removal of the glands. The doctor said my nose was way worse once he got in there and that his is not sure how I survived as long as I did with that nose.
Well I have always known that I have a high tolerance for medications, it takes a lot to knock me out and a lot to relieve pain so they had a hard time putting me to sleep. Then of course had a hard time waking me up! I woke up in recovery having an asthma attack, fun right! I was in pain plus I could not breath, great combo! After they got the attack under control they started giving me pain meds! Awwhh, much better! I felt so good I guess I forgot to breath and actually stopped. The nurses and whole staff were at my bedside freakin out, which is to be expected right!
No more pain meds! I was dying! They would not give me anymore because of the breathing issues. I kept forgetting to breathe! I think at one point I said I would rather be pain free and not breathe, they did not go for that!
The pain is horrendous but it is hard to pin point what hurts the worst! The nose, throat or face! The pain meds I'm on now are really strong and I had to cut back because again I would forget to breathe! My sister had to keep yelling at me to breathe in the middle of the night!
Of course, I had to have an allergic reaction to something and my tongue, uvula and face are so swollen! I cannot even talk which is the worst thing in the world for me, right! I have no control at all!
Now I have added 5 more pills to my daily drugs to help the allergic reaction, great!
Oh yea I have like plastic straws sewn into my nose to hold it open, help with swelling and to help it drain, yummy! They freakin hurt and so do the stitches! I do not want to get them removed though, scared!
I'm a whiner I know!
Oh yea if this post does not make sense, I am sorry I am so drugged I can barely see!
Thanks to all that have helped and brought dinners, much appreciated by the family because of course I cannot eat!

Good News---Down 9.5lbs! The whole reason for the surgery!!

Birthday Pictures and X-Mas Pictures!

Well this is a hard time of year because we have both the kids birthdays, our Anniversary, Christmas, then David's birthday, ahhhh!
I took the kiddos to get pictures taken today and they turned out great! The photographer got smiles every time!
I love pictures and I cannot believe my kids are really, 4 & 2, someone needs to have a baby really soon so I can hold it!
Dawson did good for being four days post op! It seems like he is having a harder time the last two days then he did right after surgery. He will not swallow his spit or anything for that matter and is pretty miserable. He just walks around drooling all over the place. In between each picture I had to have him spit in a baby wipe just so he could smile without spit dribbling all over himself, yuk!
Why didn't I just wait to take photos later you might ask? Well for the kids birthdays you get 2 free 8 x 10's and 20% off but you have to do it within 30 days of their birthday and I am sure I will not feel up to next week after my surgery so, today was it!
Let me know what you all think!

Thanksgiving!

I have not been super motivated to write about Thanksgiving because there is just so much to be grateful for this year. I could not even begin to list the important people or things in our life. I feel like it would take two full pages of posting to do an accurate job so lets just say we are more grateful than in the past for our family and the gospel and leave it at that!

Did not take great pics on Thanksgiving due to the fact that I was preparing food but you get the jest of our day. FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!