I think that the past 3 months have really taken a toll on me. The stuff I used to find pleasure in I don't anymore. I have been battling a lot of depression and anxiety! Do not get me wrong I am completely and utterly grateful to my Heavenly Father for my blessings, things could be so much worse, I know that.
I feel forever guilty for everything that has transpired over the last few months, I recently just read some reports on eating lunch meats/hot dogs while pregnant and the increased risk of brain tumors in the unborn child. That absolutely kills me! The worst part of this whole disaster is wondering if I somehow caused it? Did I cause my son to suffer? Did I eat too much lunch meat? Did I eat any hot dogs? eeewww. This are the awful things that will forever be running through my brain until I know the answer, which I understand may not be until I am gone but someday.
My counselor is like a miracle worker. She told me about a month ago that I was only allowed to worry two hours out of the day. If something came up that made me want to worry I could write it down but could think of it no further. I scheduled my "worry time" about 9-11pm every night. It has made a world of difference for me! It has given me an out to my needing to worry because she says I can't. Sounds easy right! I encourage all you worry warts out there to try it. It is exhilarating and so freeing. I feel like the wait of the world is off my shoulders, ahhhh! Though right now is my worry time, hence the anxiety in the post. hehehehe
If interested click on the link to read about the hot dogs and brain tumors:
http://www.preventc ancer.com/ consumers/ food/hotdogs. htm
3 comments:
Oh the things we can worry about! My sil took one cold tablet before discovering she was pregnant. Her baby was born with half a heart and later died. I would not take anything for years if I even thought I might be pregnant. The doctor told me years later that medicines really can't cross to the baby until the umbilical cord is well established. Even being so careful, two of my children were born with minor birth defects. I wondered what I had done to cause them.
I didn't know that hotdogs were bad!! I ate sooo many when I was pregnant with Lyla....She seems great so far...I hope she stays that way :(
I can't believe all that stuff, that is crazy! The sodium nitrite is in everything we eat on a daily basis. It makes me so worried, and wanting to get everything organic instead!
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