It has been 3 years. 3 years since I heard those words. Words that would forever change me, my family and our lives. Words that have such a SIGNIFICANT impact on a Mother. Words that replay in my mind not daily anymore but several times a week. Words that I still have nightmares from.
We found a mass. (click to read)
Nothing you do can prepare you for those words. Even if you "know" they are coming. It hurts so deep. I never really understand true heartache until that moment. It is as if someone has literally removed your heart. Your chest feels heavy and empty all at the same time.
We as a family and I have come a long way since that day, July 29, 2008. With the help of meds :) of course. I like to think we all love deeper, appreciate more, and treasure all the little moments. Of course we all have our weak moments though.
I often refer to myself as the Kristin before and the Kristin after. After such a traumatic event how can you not be different? I have a mental block for memories before that day. They are hard to recall. I have had a lot of bad days since then. Days I find it hard to get out of bed. Days I do not feel grateful for anything. BAD I know. Those days happen a lot less now.
I remember sitting in church several months after that day and the lesson was "Come what may and love it." The examples some women were sharing, in my opinion did not hold up against what I had just been through. I had to get up and leave! I have learned since then that everyone has trials. Trials that have more or less significance on every individual. I am NO stronger than any other woman because of what I have been through. Any Mother when put in that situation just steps it up and does what is needed for their child. Everyone is asked to bare certain trials and I would not trade mine for others.
As the 29th of every month creeps up I do have anxiety. It is a hard day. The unknown of that day was HORRIBLE. Then I look at my healthy boy and smile. I am grateful for him. For his personality that tests my patience EVERYDAY. I am grateful for the gospel, the power of prayer and fasting. Anyone that lives through a trial like this has to believe in a higher power.
Here is the week in review from threes years ago...surreal.
Review
Next Wednesday Dawson will be having his MRI to check the status of his fluid and for any other abnormalities. Prayers would be great!
