Friday, July 30, 2010

When we arrived...............

When we arrived at Primary Children's Hospital is when our world as we new it really started to change. We were brought quickly into reality. A sad reality for many families and children. Dawson was wheeled through the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and one of the nurses remarked, "Oh he is way to healthy to be in here you must be in the wrong place." I felt relieved. Yes, we do not belong here!

We walked around to the Neuro Trama floor which by the way, you never, never want to be there! Shortly, after getting our room the Neurosurgeon Fellow came to talk to us. He said at this point all we know is that Dawson has a mass and it needs to come out. So expect to have surgery in the next 48-72 hours. He was really vague and non personable. He told us that he and his team were going to review his CT scan and then he would order more tests before we really know anything. An MRI was ordered immediately and the wait began.
The Fellow came back within 30 minutes. He had worry all over his face! He explained that Dawson was a lot sicker than he thought. His brain was severely swollen. His tumor was larger than they were told and that he could suffer severe brain damage if they did not put a External Drain in his skull put him in a medical induced coma and perform emergency surgery at 7am. He was shocked that Dawson was conscious (somewhat) and not seizing! He showed us the CT scan on the computer in Dawson's room and I almost fainted. It looked huge! To top of this conversation David was not even at the hospital yet!...I had to repeat all of this to him after he arrived. I was not there alone but having to repeat it actually hurt my insides.
Within 15 minutes they doped him up with Morphine and he held his head up for the first time in a week! Then they took him away. That was hard. He waved goodbye in his drug induced alert state and I sobbed.
Everyone was starving and we were told it would take a couple hours to finish his MRI and his drain. We ended up at Chili's restaurant where I proceeded to chew out a perfect stranger! That day my perspective on life changed! Little problems were pointless! When I heard this woman complaining about her soda not tasting right I lost it!. I told her, "My son was just diagnosed with a brain tumor, and he is having a drain but in his brain as we speak, who cares about your stupid soda!" Now I feel terrible about it but at the time I didn't care. This woman looked at me like I was insane. Which I was, and still am :)
When we arrived back at Primary Children's they were not done with Dawson. Two hours turned into about six. I was really worried because we hadn't heard anything! After, we finally got the call to come back we were told that they had an extremely difficult time getting the drain in because there was so much pressure in his brain. Also, the MRI took longer than expected because they wanted to scan his spine as well. I fell onto Dawson's crib when they told me that!
The explained that they thought based on location that the tumor might be benign but would not know until the final pathology came back. He said they would take him back at 7am and the surgery would last about 4-6 hours. They explained they would remove part of his skull, re-arrange some of his brain and get the tumor. Then put it all back together with screws and plates.
The most genius question I could come up with sobbing again, "Will he beep at airports?" Yep that's right. Will he be able to go through the airport. Lovely, I know!
At about 3am I decided since he was just laying there I was probably okay to go lay in my "Parent's Room (CELL)" and try to sleep for a couple hours.

Thursday, July 29, 2010


It is very hard to put into words what the last few days have felt like. It was 2 years ago today that we got the diagnosis of a brain tumor for Dawson. It some aspects it feels like forever ago!..In other aspects it feels like yesterday!...

When we went to the pediatrician that day, the 27th of July "I KNEW SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT." He had only been throwing up for 2 days but my Mommy instinct told me to worry and demand help. I remember pleading with the on call doctor to admit him to the hospital and run scans on his brain! She thought it was just a flu as did all the other doctors but I knew otherwise. I told her to look at him, he cannot hold his head up, he will not open his eyes, and he will only sit in this position!

After some blood work that came back dehydrated she finally agreed to admit him!...So thankful! His pediatrician was there in the hospital that night what a relief to have him there! He also reassured me it was the flu and that after a night of fluids he would feel much better. That did not happen!

This is how he looked the next morning!...Not any better! I begged his pediatrician to do a CT scan. I remember him telling me..."CT scans expose the child to a lot of radiation, we do not want to expose him." I thought at the time, if my child has a brain tumor I DO NOT CARE ABOUT A LITTLE EXPOSURE TO RADIATION! The doc says lets run some other tests today and if they all come back normal we will do a CT SCAN first thing in the morning!....
Tests were run and my boy still was not any better. The CT scan was ordered for the next morning. The morning of the 29th. We watched as our 20 month old baby was strapped to the table for a CT scan but didn't put up a fight at all. He just laid there with his eyes half open.
I watched on the computer screen as they scanned his brain. I looked for anything that might catch my eye. Of course I saw nothing!..Now I know what to look for; what an accomplishment! On the way back to our room the Radiologist started asking strange questions, "Has Dawson had any falls lately?" "Has he been out of the Country?" My gut told me brain swelling! He told us the Doctors would get the results in 30 minutes. 3 hours later no word. My heart grew heavy! When our nurse cleared out our relatives, my stomach sank. Then our "OFF" duty pediatrician walks in!....I almost threw up! The doctors would not look me in the eyes. The first thing out of their mouths was, "Dawson's CT scan results are back and we found a MASS, we do not know what it is but it is not good." That sentence plays over and over in my nightmares and in my day dreams.

The pediatricians were not sure what the Neurosurgeons would want to do exactly so they said prepare to stay a long time and prepare to have emergency brain surgery. Here is my cute baby boy in the Ambulance on the way to Primary Children's Hospital. This is the first time he had his head up since the 24th of July. The whole ambulance ride was a blur. I sobbed and sobbed. Dawson had a blank stare on his face the whole time like nothing was processing for him. It was very hard to see. The next several hours were some of the looooooongest in my entire life. They will require a post all on there own.

All of these pictures were taken with my phone because we were not exactly planning to need a camera.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Prego Pic!!...

Everyone keeps asking me for a "Belly" Pic of my pregnant self....Sooo I gave in!...Here I am at 27 weeks!..ENJOY ;)

Friday, July 9, 2010

4th of July Fun.....

We went to our yearly West Point City 4th of July party!!...It is always fun!..They feed us residents for $1 and usually it is yummy BBQ....This year not sooo much!...Meatless Sloppy Joes...UGHHHHH......So we filled up on FAIR food...u know Deep Fried Oreos, Gyros, Gigantic Hot Dogs, Kettle Korn etc..:)

There is always a vendor selling glow sticks but I decided Im not paying $5 each...sooo I came prepared with glow sticks for a BUCK...Yep these glasses were only a BUCK!....GO ME...

The glasses did not want to stay on but...we figured them out!...and they were awesome!

Blurry but oooohhh sooo cute!...

Sweet Lyla Girl!!...LOVE HER

That's my crazy GIRL....:)

Look at that beautiful SUNSET..WOW...

Disclaimer: All pictures taken with my iPhone..:)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Hawaiian Girl

Recently Teresa and Denny went to Hawaii...They brought back souvenirs for all their kids but also for Brielle!..Her very own Hawaiian outfit!...It is a adorable!...The coconut shells are FLAT..hahahah...
She is sooo excited!...
We are going to Hawaii with the WHOLE Milius Family next July and she has already packed this outfit!...;)
Love this girl and the shy face!