Thursday, July 29, 2010

TODAY.......................

It is very hard to put into words what the last few days have felt like. It was 2 years ago today that we got the diagnosis of a brain tumor for Dawson. It some aspects it feels like forever ago!..In other aspects it feels like yesterday!...



When we went to the pediatrician that day, the 27th of July "I KNEW SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT." He had only been throwing up for 2 days but my Mommy instinct told me to worry and demand help. I remember pleading with the on call doctor to admit him to the hospital and run scans on his brain! She thought it was just a flu as did all the other doctors but I knew otherwise. I told her to look at him, he cannot hold his head up, he will not open his eyes, and he will only sit in this position!



After some blood work that came back dehydrated she finally agreed to admit him!...So thankful! His pediatrician was there in the hospital that night what a relief to have him there! He also reassured me it was the flu and that after a night of fluids he would feel much better. That did not happen!



This is how he looked the next morning!...Not any better! I begged his pediatrician to do a CT scan. I remember him telling me..."CT scans expose the child to a lot of radiation, we do not want to expose him." I thought at the time, if my child has a brain tumor I DO NOT CARE ABOUT A LITTLE EXPOSURE TO RADIATION! The doc says lets run some other tests today and if they all come back normal we will do a CT SCAN first thing in the morning!....
Tests were run and my boy still was not any better. The CT scan was ordered for the next morning. The morning of the 29th. We watched as our 20 month old baby was strapped to the table for a CT scan but didn't put up a fight at all. He just laid there with his eyes half open.
I watched on the computer screen as they scanned his brain. I looked for anything that might catch my eye. Of course I saw nothing!..Now I know what to look for; what an accomplishment! On the way back to our room the Radiologist started asking strange questions, "Has Dawson had any falls lately?" "Has he been out of the Country?" My gut told me brain swelling! He told us the Doctors would get the results in 30 minutes. 3 hours later no word. My heart grew heavy! When our nurse cleared out our relatives, my stomach sank. Then our "OFF" duty pediatrician walks in!....I almost threw up! The doctors would not look me in the eyes. The first thing out of their mouths was, "Dawson's CT scan results are back and we found a MASS, we do not know what it is but it is not good." That sentence plays over and over in my nightmares and in my day dreams.



The pediatricians were not sure what the Neurosurgeons would want to do exactly so they said prepare to stay a long time and prepare to have emergency brain surgery. Here is my cute baby boy in the Ambulance on the way to Primary Children's Hospital. This is the first time he had his head up since the 24th of July. The whole ambulance ride was a blur. I sobbed and sobbed. Dawson had a blank stare on his face the whole time like nothing was processing for him. It was very hard to see. The next several hours were some of the looooooongest in my entire life. They will require a post all on there own.


All of these pictures were taken with my phone because we were not exactly planning to need a camera.

4 comments:

Andrea said...

I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I still remember your phone call and for some reason just having this calm feeling that it would be okay. I'm soooo glad that it turned out okay. Hard, but okay. I love Baby D.

The Smiths said...

Its so amazing to see how far you, Dawson and your whole family have come since that scary day. I am so thankful your little boy was blessed with parents who know when something isn't right and are such strong advocates for him. Everyday you and David can enjoy watching him grow up and know that you were a huge part of his medical miracle. Love you all and God Bless!

Vickie said...

Kristen,

This is a remarkable recital of the day(s) many of us experienced. Your words resonate and I'm glad you told this story! I love all the Miliuses.

Vickie

Missy said...

It is so amazing to look back at all of this and see what a miracle he has become. I am so happy things are good and well for your sweet family! love ya!