Tuesday, January 27, 2009

MRI anxiety!!!!

Well I am not even sure where to start with this post but here goes and I am sure I am gonna sound like a big whining baby but here goes nothing. Thursday is the day! Dawson has another 3 month MRI. I am not sure why this one is so much harder than the last one, I am not sure if they will get harder and harder to face but man! I have been dreading the month of January and let me tell you it has been awful. Just to know that Thursday could change our lives forever.
Parents all can agree that the dreaded phone call that tells you your child has been in a car accident or whatever is a nightmare that no one wants to experience right, well in a weird way his MRI's are like facing that phone call every 3 months. Things so could go so wrong or just be a close call, etc. The anxiety is awful!
The weird thing about anxiety/depression is that compliments make it worse. Like when I'm worried I hate hearing, "Everything will be fine." It is like an insult because things have been wrong before and that is all I heard. I want to yell at everyone and say until I have the results in my hand that say, "EVERYTHING IS FINE," I will think the worst. It in some way helps me prepare mentally for bad news, though I know I could never really prepare.
The month of January has been a blur trying to stay busy and put a lid on my "issues" or I will absolutely break down in sobs, which happens more times then not. I have to be very careful who I am around because I am worried that some people can see through my mask then it would be a sea of tears. I cannot wait for Thursday to be over, then hopefully we can be relieved and happy for 2 more months until we do it again, ahhh.

We will go to Primary Childrens at 7:15 in the morning, they will sedate Dawson and then start the MRI. The MRI takes about 2 hours because it is actually 2 MRI's, one with a dye or contrast in his system and one without. This gives the doctors a look at all the vessels and veins in his brain. Also the contrast will show if there has been any regrowth or new tumor forming.

As you can imagine we are going to be fasting for him and any extra prayers for him would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

I love this boy!


Angie said...

You are wonderful and amazing and I am proud of you! I need another one of those salads!!!

Anonymous said...

AMEN!!!! When do we go!? I will pray for your family. It's OK if you need to freak out Kristin. Anyone in your position would feel the same way. Love ya' lets go see Twilight again!