Happy 2nd Birthday Dawson!

Well my baby is not a baby anymore! Dawson turned 2 while we were in California but like always had strep throat so we did not celebrate it until we got home.
We got a "ball" cake and he was thrilled. He actually blew out the candle himself. He liked the cupcakes but not the mess, he is so OCD like his mother! Certainly not all boy.
He loved opening his gifts and was so excited about each of them. This is going to be such a fun X-mas!
We love this boy so much! He melts our heart when we look at him and he is progressing so rapidly now it is sad :(. He knows tons of sign language and is now learning so many new words. It is like our baby grew up in two months instead of gradually like most kids. So while he plays catch up on all of his milestones we try to savor each one!
We love you, Baby D.

Our Disneyland Trip!

Well David and I decided when Dawson first got sick that we would take the kids to Disneyland no matter what. We thought at the time if we were going to loose him then we wanted to have this memory as a family together. Of course Dawson is doing great!
Our trip was just what the doctor ordered! We feel revived and ready to start fresh. Brielle got to meet her favorite princesses and was ecstatic. Dawson liked Dumbo, and the carousel and that is about it. He liked all the characters from far away and that it where it ended. He did not want to meet any of them!
We stayed in a nice hotel and were able to walk back and forth to Disneyland, making nap time great! We were able to visit with a lot of family and friends but of course not everyone.
I am so thankful for this trip and the closeness we feel as a family because of it. We enjoyed every minute even when it was really hot!
I have to make a special thank you to a dear and wonderful friend, my college roommate! Without her this trip would have not been possible. See Mary sent us a $500 dollar gift card for Disneyland when she found out we were going! It went so far in our trip! It made the trip worry free! I love you Mary and you are an amazing person! Thank you.

DEXTER SCOTT WATTLES June 1, 2003 - November 18, 2005

As most of you know the only reason I knew what was going on with Dawson is that a family friend had gone through the same thing. If it were not for this little boy and what his family went through I am not sure Dawson would even be alive today. Dexter's first symptoms were flu like and the hospital kept telling his mother that it was the flu, yada yada but she knew something was wrong. He was sent home three times before they found out what was really going on.

I had this in my head playing over and over when Dawson got sick. I knew without a doubt what it was. In fact when we were admitted to Davis Hospital I told our Pediatrician immediately that I knew he had something going on in his head. I was told the odds of that were very low and that they were sure it was just the flu, ha! Mothers have a direct connection with their children doctors need to listen!

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Dexter and say a little prayer for his family. I believe he was there with us whispering in my ear to not give up until they found Dawson's tumor.

One can never imagine what it feels like to hear the words, "We found a mass," they haunt my dreams and kept me up at night. They run through my brain daily and I wish no parent would ever have to hear those words.

Without the support of Dexter's Mommy I would probably still be a mess. She has helped me beyond words can describe. She knows how I feel, she has felt it! She has so much knowledge and has been a great resource. She is a great, friend and a wonderful Mother! I pray that my friend and Dexter's Mommy will have a good holiday during this difficult time of year and feel little Dexter's spirit with her. I know he is probably a leader in the highest kingdom of Heaven. How special he was!

(Please remember this wonderful family in your prayers this holiday season!)

I am THANKFUL for this family!

Dawson's Thank You Cards!

I am sending these cards out to all of the Doctors and Nurses that helped us during our ordeal!

Happy 4th Birthday Brielle!

My beautiful baby is 4 years old! It happened so fast and I fell like we have all grown so much. She was a perfect baby, ate, slept and filled her diaper what more could you ask for? She grew into a wonderful toddler and was so enjoyable. David and I loved just watching her explore the world and watching the excitement in her eyes. She has continued to grow and at times I do not want her to. She is now a beautiful little girl that lights up so many lives. She is the spark in our family and makes so many people happy and smile. She is a great sister and truly cares about others feelings. She does anything and everything for her little brother and is always thinking of others. She will save her last piece of candy for a friend if she thinks they would like it. She loves to sleep and gets irritated when you wake her too early! (I don't know where she gets that?) Her vocabulary is outrageous and she is always cracking us up with some silly saying. She may be a big girl now but she still likes to snuggle and that makes us very happy. I love this little girl and she is a miracle, a healthy 4 year old girl!

The "Birthday Fairy" came to our house, which is balloons and some decor done by the fairy on the eve before the birthday so the child wakes up to decorations. Also we went to Chuck "E" Cheese, worst day of my life, dirty, hot, stinky, crowded agghhh an OCD's worst nightmare but Brielle had a great time so it was worth it!

So Behind! Halloween!

Well I told myself that I did not want to post any pics until I digital scrap booked them. Well as you can see all that did was slow down my posts not speed up my scrap booking!
Here are some of our Halloween pictures! As you can see Brielle was "Super Girl," and adorable and Dawson was what else, a "Neurosurgeon." Very appropriate we thought. He loved his stethoscope and knew exactly how to use it, I do not know how!
David was a white trash clown riding his Unicycle around the neighborhood, then he threw on that crazy wig! Oh yea we found a homeless woman on the street and took a picture with her! No just kidding that his David's Mom!

Great Book!

I have felt lately like I really needed a boost so I found this book at the DI had no idea what it was about or if it was even good. It was! Jane did a great job explaining the importance of our roles as mothers and the gospel examples she used were fabulous! I recommend it to all. The DI still had several copies so get one.
It was really the confidence boost I needed!

My OCD vs. My children!

Well I have come to a realization: I cannot do everything!
I mean I cannot:
be a mom
be a wife
be a sister
be a daughter
be a daughter in law
be a friend
be a faithful daughter of God
work 40+ hours a week
be a housekeeper
be a chef
be a doctor
be a dentist
be a taxi
be a gardner
be an athlete
be skinny
be a neighbor!
etc., etc., etc.,

Something has to give and because it cannot be the first two what can it be? I have decided to start and let go of some of my OCD's. Which for those of you who know me is a big step! I am admitting now that there are going to be dishes in my sink from time to time, there may be laundry to do, there are definitely toilets to be scrubbed and floors to be swept but there will not be children to love or a husband to love because those are my #1 priorities. I have to work so when I am home it is going to be about my children and not my dishes. Wow, that is so incredibly hard to say but I am working on it.

OCD vs my children::: OCD -0 Children-1

Lunch Meat and Hotdogs!

I think that the past 3 months have really taken a toll on me. The stuff I used to find pleasure in I don't anymore. I have been battling a lot of depression and anxiety! Do not get me wrong I am completely and utterly grateful to my Heavenly Father for my blessings, things could be so much worse, I know that.
I feel forever guilty for everything that has transpired over the last few months, I recently just read some reports on eating lunch meats/hot dogs while pregnant and the increased risk of brain tumors in the unborn child. That absolutely kills me! The worst part of this whole disaster is wondering if I somehow caused it? Did I cause my son to suffer? Did I eat too much lunch meat? Did I eat any hot dogs? eeewww. This are the awful things that will forever be running through my brain until I know the answer, which I understand may not be until I am gone but someday.
My counselor is like a miracle worker. She told me about a month ago that I was only allowed to worry two hours out of the day. If something came up that made me want to worry I could write it down but could think of it no further. I scheduled my "worry time" about 9-11pm every night. It has made a world of difference for me! It has given me an out to my needing to worry because she says I can't. Sounds easy right! I encourage all you worry warts out there to try it. It is exhilarating and so freeing. I feel like the wait of the world is off my shoulders, ahhhh! Though right now is my worry time, hence the anxiety in the post. hehehehe

If interested click on the link to read about the hot dogs and brain tumors:

http://www.preventc ancer.com/ consumers/ food/hotdogs. htm

Brielle's preschool Treat!

Well it was Brielle's turn to bring the treat to preschool and we chose for Halloween some spider cupcakes! We all had a great time making them and had an even better time eating them! They turned out great and Brielle loved all the attention.

These are the only pictures I was able to get at the hospital because I was paying to much attention to Dawson when he was awake. The medicine they gave him to go to sleep was amazing it took like 3 seconds and he was out! Every mother should have a little stash off that around for those bad days! j/k Though the after Dawson was not worth it, cranky like never before.