1 Yr. later........................Continued..............

One year ago today I was holding my little boy as he recovered from brain surgery. He would not sleep or even sit in his crib and he HATED anyone in a white coat. There were so many tubes hooked on him it was almost impossible to switch positions. Matter of fact we had to have to nurses help me switch arms with him. There were so many beeps. Every time a drug finished or a new one needed to start they beeped. Every time his heart rate changed or oxygen rate changed it beeped. It was very stressful but very reassuring because I knew they were watching him so closely. He was in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit or PICU so there was no where for me to sleep nor could I have left him. I sat in the wooden rocking chair (it did have a cushion though not very comfy) all night long. Holding him and watching him take every breath. Wondering what the future would hold or what the final pathology would look like.



As I sat and watched him all night he started to do weird things with his face. He would open his mouth funny and his tongue would stick out and he would gag. I remember at one point in my exhaustion at like 3 am after seeing him do this over and over I started to panic. I think in the heat of the moment and with me being so exhausted both physically and emotionally I just started yelling for help. The nurse was by our side in no time and doctors were paged. What we thought were seizures turned out to be nothing but maybe a sore throat from having a breathing tube....Pheewwww



I called David hysterically telling him that they thought he was having seizures and that I wanted him to come back to the hospital ASAP. He had left a few hours before to be with Brielle. By the time he arrived everything was okay but I needed him for my comfort.



My butt became molded to that rocking chair. That is where I spent the next 7 days. I was so sore that at one point I was sitting on a boppy pillow :) Of course, it was a small price to pay compared to what my son was going through.



Now Miracle Dawson is changing everyday. He loves to play like a big boy and loves, loves, loves to be included in everything. It has been a roller coaster year but we are so grateful!!!!!!! He has blown away all his doctors, therapists and even his parents. He continues to grow and thrive and we just cannot believe this is the same boy.



One year ago post..................

Again by David:

Well the removal of the tumor was successful and he is acting normal. The doctors best guess is that it was a slow growing benign growth and the fluid build up was spinal fluid. We will have final lab results Friday. Now its just time to heal!



AMAZING HOW MUCH HE COULD CHANGE IN A YEAR.......LOVE HIM...............

1 yr. later...............

At this time last year our life was turned upside down. At this time last year we were in an ambulance on our way to Primary Childrens Hospital awaiting expert opinions on whether our son was going to live or die. At this time last year I was praying like I had never prayed before and I was crying like I have never done before. We sat and waited for Doctors and Surgeons to make decisions. Then it all started happening so fast. Dawson was taken away and procedures started. An External Ventricle Drain was placed, he was put on a breathing tube and put to sleep. In depth MRI's were done to examine the tumor more closely and to examine his spine for more tumors.

At about 2 am the next morning they were done and we were still on the roller coaster of our lives. We had to sit with the surgeons as they explained what needed to be done for our son. Feeling like I was in a dream and not really understanding any of what was going on I was just hoping David did. Seeing my baby at 2 am hooked up to all those machines is a site I will never forget. I remember thinking at the time if this tumor is bad, we will not fight it we will just let him go. Then my Mother instincts kicked in and said No WAY, fight, Fight FIGHT.

Though all I wanted to do was grab my baby and run, run away! From healthy to a brain tumor in 6 DAYS, 6 DAYS!!!!!!!! LIFE CHANGES QUICKLY..........

How do you put into words what the last year has been like? I have come to the realization that I cannot. Boy has this year been a struggle!! Ups and Downs mentally and emotionally. There is the before Milius Family and now the after. There is no way of going back. No way of being free of this burden we carry in the brain tumor world. Children die! Children die everyday but Dawson lives. He lives and thrives and for that we are eternally grateful to our Heavenly Father. It is not fair. I do not understand it nor will I until I go to Heaven myself and attain perfect knowledge.

Every minute of everyday brings such happiness and also such anxiety. Every bump of the head and fall is a worry. Though at some point we have to allow Dawson to just be a child. Trust me this takes time :) Many family members expressed their desire to see Dawson in a helmet full time, well, though we did not do this he did get a helmet for riding bikes. Yes, I know surprised, I let him ride a bike. He also jumps on the trampoline and plays on the swing set all by himself. Big steps I know.

He is speaking like a big boy. Whole sentences. I know most people probably cannot understand him but we can and we are thrilled. He is growing up. He loves to dance and sing. He loves his family and has special bonds with each of us. Including grandparents and aunts and uncles. He has something special that he shares with each of them. He truly is a wonderful spirit.

I do not believe that I am personally at the point that I am grateful for my trial and I embrace it but I am grateful for how it all played out. I am grateful for the circumstances of our trial.

Things that we have learned along the way:

How fragile life really is...

Not to sweat the small stuff....

Much to much about the brain tumor world.....

What is truly important in life.....

How to count our blessings.....

The importance of family and friends.....

Say each day how much we love each other...

Treasure life's little moments.....

Do not be in such a hurry, time goes to fast....

Along this journey many friends and family have been my saving grace! There are many of you who have saved me in one way or another. I will not list names here but you know who you are. Talked me out of complete anxiety attacks, come over late at night and did my dishes, just called to hear me vent, helped reassure my mothering skills, gave me advice, continually inviting my family to be part of your activities though socializing is still very difficult, all of these things have saved ME.... (Well those things and lots and lots of Meds :)

Some things that were said to me throughout this trial replay in my mind and encourage me to keep going. Most of the sweet comments hold a dear place in my heart and I revert back to them whenever I am feeling low. It is amazing how people come together to help you out in an awful time, for that I am grateful.

Here is the post from 1 year ago today............

Written by David: (A man of many words)

I don't know if you have heard or not but a 6 cm tumor has been found in the center of Dawson's brain. Luckily it has a large pocket of fluid around it that will make it easier to retrieve. The doctors make us very hopeful.

More to come tomorrow...............

We are Home................Day One of our Cali Trip....

I do not in anyway claim to be a photographer but man anyone can see how amazing this sunset was......I just snapped and this is what I got..............



Simply gorgeous..............




Then it poured in the desert for like 30 minutes solid!! From Nevada Landing for like 30 miles toward California. The desert floor was like a lake. I have never seen anything like it. Rain drops the size of the palm of your hand, yikes. Scary to drive in.



Click on it to enlarge big....



Then of course there was this gorgeous view. Look at those eyes.



Then there is this handsome heart breaker. Love him!!!

Just kissable....

LOTS OF PICS TO COME, STAY TUNED...

Superman,,,,,BOY.........

Look at this big strong boy!!! He loves to flex and show his muscles. What is it with boys, geeze... You do not see woman flexing infront of the mirror. I guess though we do examine our cottage cheese in the mirror, oh well.

So strong boy!!!! Cutest boy in the world, sorry everyone he wins :)

Stefan House..............

The past two months have been really tough. We have done my parents yard in record time. We built up flower beds, did the whole sprinkler system, moved 16 tons of rocks, BIG rocks, leveled and releveled because of the rain :(. Oh yea and the most important part we laid an entire paver pathway ourselves. Everything has turned out great but because the yard is so big we have to lay the sod in shifts in order to have the dirt prepped. Sooo a few more pallets and we will really be done :)



Pathway in progress....


The day laborer we hired!! Or Dad as we sometimes call him. hehahahaha


Finished pathway, isnt it gorgeous!!!


Play area with wood chips and landscape timbers around it. A couple trees and in the far back you can see the trampoline in the ground. It is awesome.....



Play area and side yard. The rocks that line the burm or flower bed!! There are already daisy's in there but I do not have a picture. There will be trees eventually in the burm as well, all in due time.



Play area and grass, oh the grass is soooo soooo beautiful....



View of side yard isnt it pretty?



Laying sod is soooo much work. Though the instant beauty is well worth it. Yea almost there..

Painted Faces..........

Here are the kids with there face's painted.... My little brothers Ryan (8)was a black and white tiger, Scot (5) regular tiger and Brielle was a pink Tiger

I think they all look kinda scary to tell you the truth. My 18 month old Nephew was terrified of them. :)

They waited in line for a serious hour to get this done. Then we watched the fireworks and went home and washed it off :(..... Good thing it was only $3, hahaha. They loved it!

4th of July................

We had such a great 4th of July. I think it is my favorite holiday........... The kids had a blast watching fireworks and staying up late.



On the 3rd we went to our city park for the fireworks and carnival and it was awesome again as usual. We missed the dinner because we were laying sod at my parents but we still were able to enjoy all the fun. The kids got their faces painted and looked adorable...



Again, I have the cutest, most gorgeous, beautiful children in the WORLD...... Sorry for the bragging cannot control it any longer :)



All the Stefan cousins. Lyla, Lacee, Brielle and Dawson. Aren't they all adorable? We think so. Oh how I love all these kiddos....



My handsome model boy. He is so good looking and he just melts my heart. I want him to stay this age forever!!!!!!!!!!!!



Beauty!!! She is such a big girl, it makes me sad :(...