Wednesday, July 29, 2009

1 yr. later...............


At this time last year our life was turned upside down. At this time last year we were in an ambulance on our way to Primary Childrens Hospital awaiting expert opinions on whether our son was going to live or die. At this time last year I was praying like I had never prayed before and I was crying like I have never done before. We sat and waited for Doctors and Surgeons to make decisions. Then it all started happening so fast. Dawson was taken away and procedures started. An External Ventricle Drain was placed, he was put on a breathing tube and put to sleep. In depth MRI's were done to examine the tumor more closely and to examine his spine for more tumors.
At about 2 am the next morning they were done and we were still on the roller coaster of our lives. We had to sit with the surgeons as they explained what needed to be done for our son. Feeling like I was in a dream and not really understanding any of what was going on I was just hoping David did. Seeing my baby at 2 am hooked up to all those machines is a site I will never forget. I remember thinking at the time if this tumor is bad, we will not fight it we will just let him go. Then my Mother instincts kicked in and said No WAY, fight, Fight FIGHT.

Though all I wanted to do was grab my baby and run, run away! From healthy to a brain tumor in 6 DAYS, 6 DAYS!!!!!!!! LIFE CHANGES QUICKLY..........

How do you put into words what the last year has been like? I have come to the realization that I cannot. Boy has this year been a struggle!! Ups and Downs mentally and emotionally. There is the before Milius Family and now the after. There is no way of going back. No way of being free of this burden we carry in the brain tumor world. Children die! Children die everyday but Dawson lives. He lives and thrives and for that we are eternally grateful to our Heavenly Father. It is not fair. I do not understand it nor will I until I go to Heaven myself and attain perfect knowledge.

Every minute of everyday brings such happiness and also such anxiety. Every bump of the head and fall is a worry. Though at some point we have to allow Dawson to just be a child. Trust me this takes time :) Many family members expressed their desire to see Dawson in a helmet full time, well, though we did not do this he did get a helmet for riding bikes. Yes, I know surprised, I let him ride a bike. He also jumps on the trampoline and plays on the swing set all by himself. Big steps I know.

He is speaking like a big boy. Whole sentences. I know most people probably cannot understand him but we can and we are thrilled. He is growing up. He loves to dance and sing. He loves his family and has special bonds with each of us. Including grandparents and aunts and uncles. He has something special that he shares with each of them. He truly is a wonderful spirit.

I do not believe that I am personally at the point that I am grateful for my trial and I embrace it but I am grateful for how it all played out. I am grateful for the circumstances of our trial.

Things that we have learned along the way:

How fragile life really is...

Not to sweat the small stuff....

Much to much about the brain tumor world.....

What is truly important in life.....

How to count our blessings.....

The importance of family and friends.....

Say each day how much we love each other...

Treasure life's little moments.....

Do not be in such a hurry, time goes to fast....



Along this journey many friends and family have been my saving grace! There are many of you who have saved me in one way or another. I will not list names here but you know who you are. Talked me out of complete anxiety attacks, come over late at night and did my dishes, just called to hear me vent, helped reassure my mothering skills, gave me advice, continually inviting my family to be part of your activities though socializing is still very difficult, all of these things have saved ME.... (Well those things and lots and lots of Meds :)

Some things that were said to me throughout this trial replay in my mind and encourage me to keep going. Most of the sweet comments hold a dear place in my heart and I revert back to them whenever I am feeling low. It is amazing how people come together to help you out in an awful time, for that I am grateful.

Here is the post from 1 year ago today............

Written by David: (A man of many words)

I don't know if you have heard or not but a 6 cm tumor has been found in the center of Dawson's brain. Luckily it has a large pocket of fluid around it that will make it easier to retrieve. The doctors make us very hopeful.


More to come tomorrow...............

5 comments:

Andrea said...

Happy anniversary!!!! I say "happy" because today we celebrate that Dawson is alive and well! He is such a happy kid and your family is so full of joy with him in it! It has been a rough road, but it has strengthened my testimony and it has taught me so much as I've watched your family. You don't believe it when people tell you, but YOU are amazing and strong and an example to all of us. I have leared so much about pediatric brain tumors and I will never again say, "It's not a tumor!"

LOVE YOU DAWSON!!

Missy said...

I echo a lot of what Andrea said. You are amazing and I count you as one of my very fav., fav.'s in this area. I love you to pieces and I am so happy that this can be a day that we can sigh with relief and graditude instead of sadness. What a special friend you have become to me and had this not happened I don't know that I would have known you like I do today. Love you! {{{hugs}}}

Kallie said...

I know we don't know each real well, but I look up to you in so many ways. What a strong woman you are, I often wonder if I could make it through what you did. And even though Dawson is healthy, you didn't stop there. I loved that you focused your blog on all those children that are still struggling with this awful disease.

Caden said...

What a beautiful "blog." It's been a year of learning and growing. So thrilled you and your family are doing so exceptionally well. Thanks for sharing your feelings and your story!! Love ya!

Heidi (Todd) Broberg said...

YEAH FOR DAWSON! And you. I still cant imagine going through that, I really, really cant. So bless you adn your family for all you went through. And thank our Father above for all your blessings.